hey, it's not rocket surgery
by Hikari1127
Summary: Just another day with the school's dysfunctional Student Council —Team Natsu, NaLu, school!AU


**note:** Since I've been giving you too much angst these past few stories, here's the relief you so deserve after my torture! (Yeah, torture, that's about right)  
**note2:** I did not mean any of Natsu and Gray's dialogue here. Well, you'd know better than to listen to both of them throw stereotypes at each other.  
**note3:** I found the title while looking for funny expressions lol  
**disclaimer:** I'm obsessed with the number 27, so I don't think that would work well with the story, unless you'd like the Tenrou group to be gone for **_27 years_**. Don't even _think_ about the dragons.  
**summary:** At least there's one sane person leading the school. It won't completely crumble to pieces.

* * *

"Gray, what's on the agenda for this meeting?"

It was quiet in the well-lit room, sunlight streaming freely through the curtain-less glass windows. Meetings like this always happened after school, so the only students left were athletes and club members. A professional air hung over the Student Council members like a blanket.

Gray stood straighter. "First, about the conflict between the Kendo and Martial Arts club," he started, looking around the room for any reaction (and there was amusement, un-amusement and bemusement, and that was to be expected from the council), "The Kendo club wants the use of the dojo in the mornings, but the Martial Arts club says that they were supposed to have full use of the dojo—I don't know how they had that idea—even if they only ever use it in the afternoon." A sigh escaped him, slightly frustrated and reaching his patience's end. "So, as you can expect from two over-energetic, strong, violence-prone clubs, they decided to settle it with a fight."

The response was immediate. "I'll take care of that," the red-haired treasurer (slash Disciplinary Committee prefect) said, a certain hardness in her voice that only promised terror and pain to violators of school laws (quite ironic, considering she didn't want conflict, and yet she caused one just so she could stop another—a paradox that only makes sense to the firm disciplinarian).

Everyone in the room couldn't help but shudder. When Erza says she'll take care of it, _she will take care of it_.

"Uhhh...okay then," Gray said (silently praying for the lives of the Kendo and Martial Arts club members), but he quickly regained his cool composure, assuming the serious role of being in the Student Council yet again, "Second, I've handled the matters with the Swimming club. They said they were fine with the arrangements we made."

From the other side of the room, a pink-haired boy (idiot) let out a snort, making Gray's eyes narrow into slits in a glare (because when he began to speak, only bullshit came out—well, to Gray anyway). "Pffft, of course you took care of that _personally_," Natsu said, barely holding back the teasing grin that seemed to break out on his face, "Because it's just an excuse to see Juvia in a swimsuit—"

"MOVING ON," Gray interrupted him before he could embarrass him any further, a faint red blush tinting his pale cheeks (and was that a trickle of blood coming out of his nose?). Natsu laughed at his reaction, but, as usual, everyone ignored him because that was the typical, 5-year-old-kid-trapped-inside-an-18-year-old's-bod y Natsu—nothing new and noteworthy. "How are the preparations for the Spring dance?"

"I'll take care of everything," Natsu said, looking half-serious and half-joking with the grin on his face.

Gray rolled his eyes, annoyed of his antics. "Riiiggghhhttt," he drawled, "Why did I even ask you?" He turned to her. "Lucy?"

She started a bit at having been included in the conversation, but then again, she _was_ part of the council. She counted the list off with her fingers, effortlessly enumerating the finished tasks from the top of her head. "Well, the venue has already been booked, food has been decided and I already negotiated with the caterer, I talked to the principal and he said yes, and I've had people make posters and tickets already." By the end of her speech, everyone's jaws were on the floor in shock (and she couldn't help but roll her eyes because hasn't she proven her efficiency before?).

"Whoa, Luce, that's awesome!" Natsu said to her, "You already did my work for me!"

"That's because you _don't_ do your work." From her left, Erza gave the boy a piercing stare, crossing her arms in front of her chest for added intimidation (and it worked).

"Yeah, you always make Lucy do all your work," Gray said, sounding irritated, "Natsu, you're the _president_, suck up and do your damn job!" He sent the boy a glare when he started making faces and acting like he didn't hear anything. "What's your purpose here, anyway? All you do is sit around in your office chair and lazily spin on it while screaming like an idiot!"

Always so easily provoked, Natsu stood up from his chair, banging his hands on the wooden mahogany desk. "Oh yeah? Stripper, you're the _secretary_. I thought that job was only for _girls_!" He paused, acting like a realization hit him, and grinned teasingly. "Oh wait, you're good."

Gray's blue eyes flashed, but he wasn't one to back down. "Well, I thought the president's position was supposed to be for _smart people_!"

That struck a chord. "You ass!" Natsu exclaimed, barely holding back the offense he took at the insult. "Well—well, I thought—" he stumbled with his words, struggling and wracking his mind to find a retort, "I thought the Student Council was supposed to be for people who—who wear clothes! Yeah!"

She scrunched her eyebrows, pointing a glance at him. "Natsu, that was kinda lame."

The boy pouted. "Luuccceee! Whose side are you on?"

She opened her mouth to speak when Gray so _nicely_ cut her off, looking at Natsu evenly. "Well, since you're sortaofficially_dating_, of course she'll be on your side."

"WHAT?!"

Natsu didn't look as surprised as she was (like he got this everyday). "WELL AT LEAST I'M DATING SOMEONE." His grin was practically overfilling with smugness. "YOU'RE SUCH A PUSSY YOU CAN'T EVEN ASK JUVIA OUT!"

Still not getting over her initial shock, she let out an unladylike screech (her mom would've been so disappointed in her). "GRAY, WHAT ARE YOU—?"

But the secretary wasn't listening to her _gentle_ question, choosing to pay more attention to Natsu's insult. "HOW ABOUT WE FIND OUT WHO'S THE PUSSY HERE? HUH?"

"Stop ignoring me!" she screamed, indignant, "Erza—"

She turned to the girl and lo and behold, the only other sane person in the room she thought she could count on to help her break up Natsu and Gray's stupid fights was _eating cake_, so deep in her own sugary strawberry world she didn't even notice the chairs flying around her (but miraculously not hitting her—thank Mavis the boys knew it would be the death of them if they touched even a _hair_ of Erza).

A scream of utter frustration was building up in her throat, ready to come out, but she only let herself groan, watching the boys destroy the room with their petty fight (again) and Erza eat her _precious_ cake like she loved it more than her boyfriend (and she probably did—Jellal would've already known that, she guessed).

The council was a hopeless case.

"How did we even get elected?!"

She figured the students were idiots for voting for insane people to run their school. Really, it was the biggest mistake they ever made.

* * *

**note:** I suck at endings.  
**note2:** I hope I don't suck too much that I screwed up this story.  
**note3:** Tell me what you think?


End file.
